3.27.2012

you say tomato...

I bought some organic tomatoes last week.  They were bundled in a container.  This explains why I didn't see the bottom of the biggest one before I got home.  If I had, I'm quite certain I would have left this one at the store for someone else...


I mean, come on!  This thing looks like it's giving birth to demon baby tomatoes - they might be organic demon babies but still, I'm not eating it.

Andrew Henry said cut the demon part off and he'll eat it.  It's probably fine on the inside.  This sent my brain into one of those jumping around connecting strange things it does sometimes.  I remembered a post the ever insightful Debbie, from Inspired Design, wrote the other day about labels we unintentionally might be giving our children.  That post reminded me of an article my daughter told me about.  It might have been an article, or a book, or a speaker she went to see - you never know with her (or my memory).  We'll just say article for now.

Anyway, the article talked about how we address little girls.  We so often address them via their looks.  We say things like:
"Oh, aren't you pretty"
"Don't you look pretty"
"Your hair is so pretty" (or shoes, or dress, or ribbon or eyes etc.)

Yet, we rarely address little boys this way.  We don't comment on their looks or their clothes.  Why is this? 
 I realized right away I was so guilty.  I've been working on it but it is often the first thing that comes to my mind.  Let's try and shift the focus to what they're doing or what they are thinking about, what's inside them.  That's where we want their focus right?  That's where we should all be looking first.  So, if the 3 people that read this post try, and maybe even they tell one person each to try, we just might get somewhere.  

I'm still not eating that demon tomato.


Would you eat that thing?

14 comments:

Julie of Monkey Grass Hill said...

I'm going to change -- I always comment on girls outfits or hair. No more!

Yes, I would cut out the demon part of the tomato and see what it looks like and eat it if all looked okay on the inside :)
Julie

MJM said...

I'd go ahead and avoid that tomato. Even if it is what's on the inside that counts.

bronwyn said...

Regarding the tomato - I'm not as bothered by the demon babies as I was bothered by the weird gray brown veins surrounding them. I'm with AH, de-vein the thing and it will be fine.

Regarding little girls - I actually do this with boys and girls all the time. I always tell little boys that i like their shoes, or sweater or whatever. And I always comment on haircuts. I guess it's just easy to comment on right off the bat when you don't know much about the child. As I get to know them, I'll say more things like "Did you make any drawings today?" if I know the child likes to draw.

Here's what I'm really careful about: I NEVER say "You look so pretty in that dress". I say "That is a very nice dress" or "I really like your dress". With Abby, I try to comment on her sense of style or her taste rather than her appearance - the things that she can control. And of course, since she's my kid, I know all about her so there are lots of other things to talk about. I don't know if that's any better. Definitely something to be aware of.

jeanette from everton terrace said...

Yes Bronwyn, I like that.
When we say you look pretty in that dress, we are saying the outside thing makes her pretty - good point. Very good point.

Nicole said...

That's kind of creepy!

lisaroyhandbags said...

No, I wouldn't be going anywhere near that thing. Even if it is beautiful on the inside :)

Stitchfork said...

Bleeding muffins and demon tomatoes. Am afraid of what's next Jeanette! Grew up working on a farm and that devilish tomato would have been chukked at a fellow picker and not consumed!
xo Cathy

KR said...

I would definitely cut the tomato to see what it looked like on the inside. I'm not sure about eating it but it is an interesting oddity!
The old adage comes to mind..."Don't judge a book by its cover".
Kudos to those who think of interesting things to say to children.

Felicity said...

With two teenage girls in my home this is a salient reminder to help lift their perspective away from the mirror and into the rich loveliness of 'who' they are - something that I try to do always but sometimes get caught up in their own attention to their wrapping vs the gift within.

As for your friend the tomatoe.....yikes!
Mutant anything gives me the heebies and I'd be keeping well clear.

Happy hugs,
Fx

PS: On a happier note... I picked up the most perfect little white feather yesterday on my afternoon walk and thought of you.

angryparsnip said...

Love Love Love the tomato... Daughter and I are going to try to grow some this year. Maybe I will grow an alien tomato... We are trying the Topsy Turvy (?) planter or make one, so I will be posting our adventures !

As for the "girls"
I am like @bronwyn.
When I helped out at school with my children's class, a very long time ago, I always said much like what she said.

cheers, parsnip

French Basketeer.com said...

haha I would gladly embrace that wonky heirloom...enjoy!!!

Alexa said...

Dude that thing is scary. Looks like it barfed on itself. haha. Oh man.

Lisa Lisa Lisa said...

That is an interesting looking tomato! Wow! I probably would chop it up and use it in sauce...

I've read a lot of how we genderize children. I think there is a lot to be said about recognize the broad range of talents and intersts in children instead of funneling them into categories. However, how do we compete with the social and media messages the children are getting FROM OTHERS? It has to be a society shift.

Anna@Directions Not Included said...

This was an awesome post and something I will take to heart. I'm with you though, I wouldn't eat the demon tomato. My husband on the other hand would do the same thing as Andrew Henry.